I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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