This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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