can u get pink eye on your cock?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
