hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
