I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We left an ass print on the piano.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Randomize
