he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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