Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
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