your parents love me but you hate me
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
