party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
did you just send me my own nude
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
