Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
