fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
