its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
