i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
