You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
