I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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