if i can run in heels then i can drive
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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