I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
