the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
