Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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