I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I am one with the molecules
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
