i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
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