Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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