Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
