he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
