She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
