This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
