Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
