my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
