I want to have your abortion
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
