so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
