i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
