so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
