somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
