dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
