ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
