Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
