I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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