My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
