you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
