Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
