I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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