So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
