Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
