Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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