Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
