Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
