I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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