what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
