she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
