It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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