your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
