Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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