Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
